• End of Life (aka Death)

    I was pleased this week that the vote in the Scottish Parliament to change the law on so-called assisted dying didn’t manage to make any further progress. Parliamentarians have now had a number of chances to think about this and vote on it and it still failed comprehensively to get anywhere near a majority of parliamentarians supporting it.

    Yet in survey after survey we are told that people support it.

    What’s going on?

    It seems to me that any of us would be frightened of finding ourselves in a situation where we were left alone and in pain. People do die bad deaths alone and in pain in Scotland. Somehow many people then manage to make a jump in their heads to saying that the law should be changed to allow people to request help to end their lives.

    I can’t make that jump myself. The current situation seems to me to be the right one. I have no problem with the idea that a doctor might give a treatment that improved the quality of someone’s life whilst knowing that the life itself might be shortened by doing so. I do have a problem with a drug being given or withheld where the very purpose is to hasten life.

    To put it bluntly, if people are frightened of the idea of individuals dying alone and in pain then there are things we can do about that that fall a long way short of killing people off.

    I don’t want to see the law changed but I do want to see a lot of things surrounding death to be changed.

    I want hospices to be better funded.
    I want more palliative care consultants to be trained.
    I want money to be put into pain clinics.
    I want more research to be put into pain relief.
    And I want us to talk a bit more honestly about who should be with the dying if we don’t want dying people to die alone. Who would actually benefit from lives being shortened at will? The patient is not the only person affected by a death, nor the only possible person to derive any “benefit” from life being cut short.

    These are so sensitive things to talk about and there are far more issues involved in decisions about end of life care than could ever be resolved in a bill in parliament.

    It is good that people are talking about this more. The “death cafe” movement seems to me to be a good thing. Allowing people who are living to talk about the business of dying has to be positive. Sometimes we get into those kind of issues when I’m doing my “Plan your own funeral” workshop – which I’ve just been asked to do in other parts of the diocese too.

    I recently conducted the funeral of someone who had had that kind of conversation about his funeral just a couple of weeks before he actually died. It was the most profound thing to have happened, and in the end one of the most profound and beautiful funerals that left me completely in awe of the person who had died and the plans he had made.

    Parliamentarians have difficult decisions to make here. We all do. But the priority must be to protect the vulnerable. My judgement is different to the judgement of many and even maybe the majority. I don’t think the vulnerable would be best served by changing the law.

    Doctors need to be able to make informed decisions and help others to make informed decisions but we are in an area where sometimes decisions will be tested hard. I’m not alone in thinking that things have become harder for many doctors since Harold Shipman’s crimes were revealed. No doctor wants to be accused to acting too swiftly. No health authority wants to risk harbouring someone who simply wants to kill. But we must be wary of restrictions on care that might prevent doctors taking action which relieves pain where that might be possible.

    If I were dying and in terrible pain, would I not want my life to be ended more quickly and more intentionally and more humanely? Well maybe I would. But I’m not the only person in the world and that description of someone dying doesn’t come close to the complexity of what really happens when someone’s life is drawing to a close. There are far more people to think about – not just relatives but those who will die after we do.

    So yes, I want pain to be relieved. Yes, I can imagine situations where I’d prefer to die than to live. But no, for the good of those who are vulnerable, for the good of those whose deaths would be a relief to others, for the good of those who are vulnerable and often least able to make autonomous choices, for all their sakes, I don’t think that the law should be changed.

28 responses to “Tilly – RIP”

  1. Russell Goulbourne Avatar
    Russell Goulbourne

    I’m really sorry to hear this very sad news, Kelvin. What a lovely tribute to her. The purring will never cease…

  2. Sophie Avatar
    Sophie

    I am so sorry, Kelvin. It is dreadful when beloved creatures die. I hope your flat is not unbearably empty without your Tilly.

  3. Ritualist Robert Avatar
    Ritualist Robert

    A cat who can vault over a dressed chalice really does deserve some kind of veneration.

    Such a moving tribute.

  4. […] Meanwhile, sympathy to Kevin Holdsworth who is mourning the loss of Tilly. […]

  5. Christine Avatar
    Christine

    What a wonderful obit for Tilly. I have never met Kevin or Tilly, but I applaud your strength in writing this lovely piece for all to share. I am a pet bereavement counsellor, and really believe that much good comes from us feeling able to express our grief for our lost animals, in whichever way we feel we can manage. It is also very heartening to read such a piece on a Church-related site. Bless you both.

  6. Patricia Avatar
    Patricia

    If Tilly’s obituary is anything to go by her memory will, in the days, weeks and months to come provide you with in exhaustable supply of stories to share with others ~ both those who knew her and those who meet her through the retelling of your stories. My sympathy to you in your loss ~ one that is shared by many others who have lost beloved pets and companions.

  7. Andrew Barr Avatar
    Andrew Barr

    Dear Kelvin,
    Deeply moved by your piece. Miss Tilly has left light for all of us who care about the SEC. Our dear friends , Emmy, Joshua, Mc Bean, Batty and most of all Caspar live on in us, and Mrs Tilly will be purring not far away always I am sure.
    Mrs Tilly, risen in glory.

  8. Ruth Avatar
    Ruth

    Beautifully written – sad and uplifting. What a lovely picture of her. Cute nose too.
    I was idly checking out your blog to see if you had a perspective on MOOT, but was immediately sidetracked by, firstly Miss Tilly, then clerical footwear ( I’d go for the purple Prada, if the soles were also painted purple – or the shiny black sequins).
    I’m almost tempted to swap cathedrals……. should enjoyment of the Provost’s blog be a consideration when choosing one’s place of worship?

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