What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Tales of the City #8

    The scene is Glasgow Pride. The protagonists are making their way down Argyll Street in Finnieston. I am dressed in a black suit, clerical collar and small lapel ribbon in all the colours of the rainbow. The group I am with all carry colourful posters proclaiming “The Scottish Episcopal Church Welcomes You”. Mine is mauve. 

    A young man sidles up to walk beside me.

    Young Man: Hi!

    Self: Hello! Where are you from?

    Young Man: Well, Australia, actually. 

    The Young Man pauses.

    Young Man: I just, er, I just wanted to ask you something.

    Self: Oh, OK, ask away.

    Young Man: Well, are you real?

    Self: Oh yes, I’m very real.

    The Young Man gestures with his head towards the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence who, beautifully bedecked in Catherine Laboré style wimples and rainbow habits of various styles are waving a large rainbow flag in front of us.

    Young Man: Yes, but the nuns?

    The Young Man pauses.

    Young Man: They are not real. Right?

    Self: Right.

     

    ,

8 responses to “Remedy du jour”

  1. Stewart Avatar
    Stewart

    I have had Garlic Mash three times in the past week, and Garlic and Horseradish on a steak last night.

    I do not have a cold, so maybe it will work for you – or at least act as a preventative when am next at St Mary’s.

    Reply
  2. Fiona Avatar
    Fiona

    Kelvin, have you tried mulled wine?

    Sachets with the mulling spices in them shouldn’t be too hard to get hold of (try Peckhams). They look like little teabags. Add a dash of orange juice, maybe float a slice on top as well. : )

    It might not do much for your cold, but at least it’ll help you sleep, which is what you need right now — rest and fluids.

    Also worth trying is a Hot Toddy.

    Hope you feel better soon.

    ~Fiona.

    Reply
  3. Roddy Avatar
    Roddy

    Garlic’s not a bad idea. I’ve always found if I have a hot, garlic soaked, curry when I’ve got the lurgy I feel better.

    Reply
  4. asphodeline Avatar
    asphodeline

    What you need is a hot curry followed by a hot bath!

    This man cold of yours is lingering on a bit or are you “milking” this illness??!!

    Reply
  5. Andrew Avatar
    Andrew

    What is a man cold? Don’t women get them too?

    Reply
  6. kelvin Avatar
    kelvin

    It seems to be a widely held view amongst women that men make much of their sufferings when they get a cold.

    There is an urban dictionary definition here.

    There are some who say that the female equivalent of a mancold is the flu, but I could not possibly comment.

    Reply
  7. kelvin Avatar
    kelvin

    If Ms Asphodeline is fed up of hearing about my poor state of health, presumably it will be quite a while before we hear anything about her own on livejournal.

    Reply
  8. asphodeline Avatar
    asphodeline

    Haha, you know I’ll probably get the office lurgy now?!

    I hope you feel better soon. There’s nothing worse than a man with a cold

    x

    Reply

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