What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Baptising

    There are few more joyful things to do in this world than a baptism service. Yesterday I got to baptise someone called Theodore, which of course means Gift of God. He rather enjoyed proceedings and I’ve seldom held a child more keen to jump right into the font.

    People sometimes comment on how much babies seem to enjoy being baptised at St Mary’s. Some older folk sometimes say, “I thought they were supposed to cry….” to which I reply, “…and I think it is nicer if they don’t”.

    Sometimes people even come out with that old medieval nonsense that the cry of a baby at a baptism is the devil coming out. Here’s your theology starter for 10: the devil ain’t in there in the first place.

    If you want to make a baby cry at a baptism, here are the instructions:

    • hold them upside down
    • hold them so they can’t see anyone they know
    • use cold water
    • flick the water in their face with a large, hard shell
    • hold them as though you are frightened you are going to drop them.

    Otherwise,

    • hold them so they can see what’s going on – sitting on the side of the font is a good start
    • surround them with a sea of happy smiling faces
    • warm up the water
    • talk to them and mean what you say
    • keep parents in sight and free from anxiety themselves
    • lots of splashes
    ,

28 responses to “1066 And All What?”

  1. Lester Knibb Avatar
    Lester Knibb

    I hope management have investigated and deducted any pay that may have accrued during the writing of such “tosh”, assuming it was done in work time. It’s hard enough trying to get non-Christians to take Christianity seriously without putting stumbling-blocks like this in their way. Perhaps this was what Paul was talking about in 1 Corinthians.

    Reply
  2. Rob Avatar
    Rob

    I am attending an Alpha Course to find out if I am a Christian. When I read a prayer like this I wonder if it was intended to give God a good laugh (which I hope) or was just plain misguided. My course seems to be riddled with items like this along with wild assumptions.

    Reply
  3. Rachma Avatar
    Rachma

    so lovely to get back from 8 days IGR and 3 different funeral directors messages and then to see this and get a laugh catching up. This will be another one of your emails that will make a very good exercise to use when training intercessors to develop some critical thinking skills.

    Reply
  4. Bob Shearer Avatar
    Bob Shearer

    Definitely using this in home group this evening, based upon the notion that England is “poised”. Does this apparent self-possession occur only post Brexit? For christians, what does that mean in our relation to God? And this a temporary condition?

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Previous Posts

  • Oor Willie

    I have to confess that I doubted. As I trudged around Inverkeithing on Wednesday afternoon in the few spare hours I’ve had this week delivering campaign material, I did doubt that the Liberal Democrats would win the by-election in Dunfermline West. However, sometimes it is wonderful to be gloriously wrong.Many congratulations to Willie Rennie. (And…

  • New SEC Blogger

    Lawrence Osborne has started blogging. He is, amongst other things a member of the Vestry at St Mary’s Episcopal Cathedral, Glasgow. Hence he gets included in the list of Scottish Episcopal Bloggers.Anyone else? 

  • Knock at the door

    There is a knock at the door. A stranger stands on the other side. He say, "Don’t you recognise me?" I don’t recognise him though the voice sounds familiar. The shape of the words he uses is inside me somewhere. I look again. "Russell?"Yes, it is Russell, a school-friend that I have not seen for…

  • Intimations

    This morning, I had to do one of the hardest things that a priest ever has to to do – telling the congregation in Bridge of Allan that my time at St Saviour’s is drawing to a close.I’m going to be moving to the Diocese of Glasgow and Galloway to become the Provost of St…