• Jesus – the Angry Religious Man

    Here’s what I said in the pulpit yesterday for Lent 3

    Sermon preached by Kelvin Holdsworth on 8 March 2015 from St Mary's Cathedral, Glasgow on Vimeo.

    The door opened. That door at the back, with its annoying squeak. And I looked up and immediately I was afraid.

    I saw someone come in and knew that I needed to do something and do it quickly.

    I checked the clock and took off my headphones.

    Either I needed to shout at everyone to evacuate the building or I had to try to do something myself.

    I looked around and decided to walk forward and try to distract him and see what happened.

    We were about to do a Radio Broadcast. A live radio broadcast and the clock was, well, not ticking because things like that need to be silent when we are recording, but the clock was moving inexorably towards 8.10 and the moment when the red light would go on and I would say, “Good morning and welcome to St Mary’s Cathedral in the City of Glasgow, a city that is still in shock.”

    It was the day after the terrorist attack at Glasgow airport. Transport systems were in a mess. The airport was completely locked down and roads were closed all over the place. People couldn’t fly into Scotland. There was transport chaos and the police still didn’t know how many other people were at large who intended harm.

    And that door right there opened right before an advertised liver broadcast and someone unexpected came in. Someone whom I didn’t know.

    And in that instant I saw a stereotype walk into the cathedral. He was young and rather swarthy looking. I later discovered that he was indeed just back from Libya and he looked like it.

    A thin white scarf around him. Khaki camouflage clothes. And a backpack.

    It was the backpack that worried me most as I walked towards him.

    Hello I said, welcome to St Mary’s.

    These are the words that I use when I think someone is about to blow me and the cathedral up.

    Hello, welcome to St Mary’s.

    Hello, he said.

    There was a pause as I looked him up and down and he did the same to me.

    Do you mind telling me, I asked – do you mind telling me what’s in the backpack. (more…)

8 responses to “Bah”

  1. vicky Avatar
    vicky

    Kelvin
    This calls for Chicken stew (with lots of garlic, ginger and sweetcorn). If you’re too sick to make it – let me know and I’ll sort out a delivery for Sunday.

  2. Stewart Avatar

    ….surely this should be followed by “Humbug”

    You can also suck one help sooth your throat.

  3. Raspberry Rabbit Avatar

    A mixture of honey, lemon juice and ground ginger – mix it up thick like a syrup. Don’t scrimp on the ginger.

  4. David Avatar

    I know Kelvin, but not about what potions to take, only that it has taken me about 10 days to get fully better from the same thing! Sorry to bring such good news!

  5. Andrew Avatar
    Andrew

    I recommend a large hot toddy made with honey, lemon juice and plenty of whisky. It doesn’t do you any good but it makes you feel better!

  6. Roddy Avatar
    Roddy

    The malt whisky and floating hat cure works best of all.

    You go to bed, put a hat on the bedpost at the foot of the bed and drink the whisky until the hat starts floating around the room…

    I often feel a hangover is better than a cold as you’ve done something you enjoy to deserve it

  7. PamB Avatar
    PamB

    Does a floating biretta have the same effect?

    (Don’t tell me – only when it’s snowing)

  8. Moyra Avatar
    Moyra

    Well, if it’s the same bug I’m convinced I caught whilst in Glasgow at the end of last month, you have my deepest sympathy.

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