What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Baptising

    There are few more joyful things to do in this world than a baptism service. Yesterday I got to baptise someone called Theodore, which of course means Gift of God. He rather enjoyed proceedings and I’ve seldom held a child more keen to jump right into the font.

    People sometimes comment on how much babies seem to enjoy being baptised at St Mary’s. Some older folk sometimes say, “I thought they were supposed to cry….” to which I reply, “…and I think it is nicer if they don’t”.

    Sometimes people even come out with that old medieval nonsense that the cry of a baby at a baptism is the devil coming out. Here’s your theology starter for 10: the devil ain’t in there in the first place.

    If you want to make a baby cry at a baptism, here are the instructions:

    • hold them upside down
    • hold them so they can’t see anyone they know
    • use cold water
    • flick the water in their face with a large, hard shell
    • hold them as though you are frightened you are going to drop them.

    Otherwise,

    • hold them so they can see what’s going on – sitting on the side of the font is a good start
    • surround them with a sea of happy smiling faces
    • warm up the water
    • talk to them and mean what you say
    • keep parents in sight and free from anxiety themselves
    • lots of splashes
    ,

4 responses to “Church Times Adverts”

  1. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Re: Church Times Adverts
    Isn’t that what most of us are working for? A home with a view, whether it be in this life or the next. If I can get that, I’ll consider myself fortunate indeed! 🙂

    Reply
  2. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Re: Church Times Adverts
    No Annie, I don’t agree! I think that what Kelvin is getting at is tht these positions are exploiting elderly clergy who have little income and who have had no chance to buy a property because of church rules.

    A good view is no recompense in retirement if you havnt got a proper income and have to resort to this kind of job to make ends meet and keep a roof over your head.

    These “house for duty” positions are a way of getting ministry on the cheap. Clergy poverty in old age is likely to get even worse in coming years.

    Reply
  3. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Re: Church Times Adverts
    I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t offend anyone. I know what Kelvin was getting at and it is wrong for the church to exploit anyone. I believe that there are lots of people who are doing God’s work who are not all employed by the church, but are none the less in jobs that are “ministering” to others and that these jobs are often ones which give little monetary compensation. However simplistic it might sound, I happen to believe that God does provide for his children, even down to food, clothing, and shelter. Too often we don’t believe that what He provides is good enough when in reality it is always the best – meaning it is always the best for us, just what we need to become closer to Him. I don’t say any of this lightly. It’s something I’ve learned from experience and something I’m continuing to learn. I’m not sure I’m expressing my thoughts very coherently. George MacDonald says it much better in his book “What’s Mine’s Mine”. I didn’t mean to offend, criticize, chatise or preach. I only wanted to encourage. Kelvin appears to have a God given passion for activism and fighting for others. I admire that! I only wanted to encourage him with a reminder that God doesn’t forget us or our needs and wants. He uses them to draw us nearer to him. Also, when people and their institutions, religious and political, let us down – He never will.

    Reply
  4. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Re: Church Times Adverts
    Peace be with you!

    Simon – stop shouting at people.

    Reply

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