What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Tales of the City – February 2020

    On the way home from the opera I step into a shop to get out of the rain, and buy something to eat against the cold – a late-night post-operatic chittery-bite.

    In front of me are two young men dressed in much less than I am. They are the worse for wear and arguing.

    Drunk Young Man #1: Well we’ll ask someone else then.

    Drunk Young Man #2:     Yes! Someone neutral.

    They turn to me.

    DYM#1: Here man. Settle an arugment for us will you. Is coronavirus real or is it propoganda

    Self: I think it is real.

    DYM#2: Aye man. Told you. It *is* real. He said so. Here, I bet you do a very responsible job

    DYM#1:     Aye very responsible. What are you man?

    I hesitate a moment and consider how to answer.

    DYM#2: I bet he’s a Supply Chain Manager. Are you a Supply Chain Manager, man?

    I smile a smile that I hope will look like the smile of a cold wet Supply Chain Manager.

    DYM#2: I knew it.

    DYM#1: Hey, do you have a lighter?

    I shake my head.

    We are all forlorn that I do not have a lighter.

4 responses to “Arrrgh”

  1. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Re: Arrrgh
    You are not safe to be let out by yourself.  You can't even blame it o­n a bus this time.  Slow down Kelvin, we all still need you, don't you know!   Guess you must be feeling pretty sore today.  Take it easy!  Get the cat to look after YOU for a change!!!

    Reply
  2. Avatar
    Kelvin

    Re: Arrrgh
    Perhaps you should go to the nurse again to have your blood pressure checked – just in case you’ve sprained your ankle again!!

    Reply
  3. Avatar
    Kelvin

    Re: Arrrgh
    I think its about time you invested in a pair of Doc Marten's.  I have found they are the o­nly footwear which allow me to get down a very steep hill o­n a frosty morning without flashing my underwear unwittingly to passing spectators. And you can get them in purple velvet for Lenten wear!

    Reply
  4. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Re: Arrrgh
    The funny thing is, that on both the occasions when I have fallen, I have been wearing Doc Martins. In fact, I was even starting to wonder whether it was the fault of the shoes.

    The purple velvet for Lent idea would appeal more if we wore purple at St Saviour’s for Lent. I suspect that trying to find Doc Martins made out of unbleached linen might be difficult.

    Reply

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