What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Marriage isn’t enough

    I’ve been asked recently by a lot of people whether I’m pleased that the new legislation has gone through allowing same-sex couples to get married. I am pleased, of course. I helped to work for it and I’m delighted to see happy smiling faces of couples I know who are now as hitched as anyone else.

    However, to ask whether I am satisfied would get a different answer.

    You see, I face direct and threatening discrimination at work if I marry. Couples who want to marry in churches like mine can’t do so. And in any case, it isn’t just about marriage anyway.

    You see, marriage isn’t enough.

    We want to be able to hold hands too.

    Can you imagine being allowed to be able to go to the registrar to arrange your own marriage but be frightened to hold hands walking through George Square on your way to do so? Some people reading this will say yes to that question – most won’t even have thought of it.

    Panti Bliss, the Irish drag queen is currently continuing the great tradition of drag queens telling the truth about discrimination.

    Here she is, and if you’ve never worried about holding someone’s hand, do take a look.

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20 responses to “Becoming a Welcoming Cathedral”

  1. Meg Rosenfeld Avatar
    Meg Rosenfeld

    My husband and I became members of All Saints Parish, San Francisco not long after our first experience attending Sunday Mass in that charming little church in the notorious Haight-Ashbury district. At that time we’d been members for over 20 years of a parish in another diocese, but were beginning to stay in San Francisco on weekends. What inspired us to join All Saints as members was the receipt of a simple hand-written letter from the rector some two or three days later, saying it had been a pleasure to have us there and hoping we would come again. Neither of us had ever had such an experience in any church we’d attended. We were absolutely amazed (in a positive way!) and made up our minds then and there that we would, indeed, go back. Mind you, we were also welcomed by the official greeters, urged to come to coffee hour, and approached at coffee hour with friendly overtures from the regulars–which is not always the case in Episcopal churches, at least in California. I guess it was just the right balance between friendliness and respect for one’s privacy. In any event, we are still at All Saints, almost 20 years later, up to our ears in choir, committees, and activities. To me, it was the letter from the rector which did the trick. He (an introvert like myself) wasn’t too busy to acknowledge new people, and in a way which was totally unthreatening.

    Reply
    1. Kelvin Avatar
      Kelvin

      Thanks Meg – that’s a great story.

      Reply
  2. Andrew Connor Avatar
    Andrew Connor

    I go to a church which gets the coffee just right. But I don’t feel welcome.
    I go to a church which gets the welcome team just right. But I don’t feel welcome.
    I go to a church which denies that I was born gay and have chosen to love my same see partner whom I am not allowed to celebrate with. You see? I don’t feel welcome.
    The homilies never include such exclusion. Never did they mention my being part of the Us of the parish though.
    We have regular celebrations of love but not mine.
    Many speak of going home to love one another and others exhort us to reach out and love the stranger. But I am in the midst of you and m only loves if I deny my own self.
    There is indeed much still to do.
    Welcome in our Church? Discuss.

    Reply
    1. Kelvin Avatar
      Kelvin

      I know Andrew. I know it all too well. And I know that the ease with which these loves can be spoken of here in St Mary’s in pulpit and pew is tragically remarkable in its rarity.

      Reply
  3. Father Ron Smith Avatar
    Father Ron Smith

    Bravo, Kelvin. I always feel that we in the Church are standing in the place of Christ – who welcomes all. Agape, Fr. Ron, ACANZP

    Reply
  4. Dharma Nicodemus Cuthbert Avatar
    Dharma Nicodemus Cuthbert

    Strangely enough about 1 hour before you posted this, I had been in a meeting in which one of the subjects discussed was getting more people to come to the church. The comments were full of “what can we do” I know that unless someone is willing to do outreach work nothing changes. I feel that as the church, St James the great, in Dingwall, will be having an open day when the refurbishment is complete, an ideal opportunity to raise the profile of the church.
    I have taken on board the difficulties of being welcoming and at the same time not being separate, as you put it us and them. I have had experience of being both, part of a group and the new face

    Reply
  5. Janet Koch Avatar
    Janet Koch

    conscientize?

    Reply

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