What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Baptising

    There are few more joyful things to do in this world than a baptism service. Yesterday I got to baptise someone called Theodore, which of course means Gift of God. He rather enjoyed proceedings and I’ve seldom held a child more keen to jump right into the font.

    People sometimes comment on how much babies seem to enjoy being baptised at St Mary’s. Some older folk sometimes say, “I thought they were supposed to cry….” to which I reply, “…and I think it is nicer if they don’t”.

    Sometimes people even come out with that old medieval nonsense that the cry of a baby at a baptism is the devil coming out. Here’s your theology starter for 10: the devil ain’t in there in the first place.

    If you want to make a baby cry at a baptism, here are the instructions:

    • hold them upside down
    • hold them so they can’t see anyone they know
    • use cold water
    • flick the water in their face with a large, hard shell
    • hold them as though you are frightened you are going to drop them.

    Otherwise,

    • hold them so they can see what’s going on – sitting on the side of the font is a good start
    • surround them with a sea of happy smiling faces
    • warm up the water
    • talk to them and mean what you say
    • keep parents in sight and free from anxiety themselves
    • lots of splashes
    ,

4 responses to “Alternative Queen’s Speech”

  1. Pluralist Avatar
    Pluralist

    They are only in office for a year. Then the Lib Dems will collapse, the Conservatives lose out to UKIP, Labour will also lose out to UKIP, but should, I hope, win if only to produce a luke-warm left government that will continue to bully those on benefits.

    Reply
  2. Revruth Avatar
    Revruth

    Jolly good. May we also have fairtrade bananas sold loose instead of bags of 6 or 8, please?

    Reply
  3. Elizabeth Avatar
    Elizabeth

    Hear, hear!!

    Ruth – you can find such loose and fair bananas in many fine emporia in this fair city of Glasgow. Do come visit soon!

    Reply
  4. Alan McManus Avatar
    Alan McManus

    Kelvin, on the point of privacy, after being forced to opt-out (probably too late) from having my address (and perhaps email and telephone information) sold to anyone by Glasgow City Council, I’ve just sent the email below to Hugh Munro the Chartered Accountant who is Electoral Registration Officer for GCC. It strikes me that roll-calling in the Bible is usually A Bad Thing and in this case it quite obviously is. As Rosemary H. pointed out (in the middle of a rather heated debate on the Referendum – where she was very restrained and others including me were not) the problem with devolving power to Local Authorities is that they have to be both competent and ethical (my paraphrase, I can’t re-find her exact words).

    On Monday, 3 November 2014, 12:53, Alan McManus:

    Dear Mr Munro,

    I have just opted out of the Open Electoral Register by email, something which I should not have had to do. You, or whoever has executed this scheme, had no authority to sell my contact information and in doing so you, or they, have abused my trust. I expect a signed apology in writing and that this scheme be terminated with immediate effect.You are well aware that you are preying on the trust of the elderly who have no access to the internet and who will be too confused by this betrayal of confidence by their Local Authority to take action by telephone. You have sold the rights of privacy of the citizens of Glasgow for material gain. This is despicable and does nothing to ameliorate the legacy of the low reputation of the leadership of GCC.

    regards, Dr Alan McManus

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Previous Posts

  • Oor Willie

    I have to confess that I doubted. As I trudged around Inverkeithing on Wednesday afternoon in the few spare hours I’ve had this week delivering campaign material, I did doubt that the Liberal Democrats would win the by-election in Dunfermline West. However, sometimes it is wonderful to be gloriously wrong.Many congratulations to Willie Rennie. (And…

  • New SEC Blogger

    Lawrence Osborne has started blogging. He is, amongst other things a member of the Vestry at St Mary’s Episcopal Cathedral, Glasgow. Hence he gets included in the list of Scottish Episcopal Bloggers.Anyone else? 

  • Knock at the door

    There is a knock at the door. A stranger stands on the other side. He say, "Don’t you recognise me?" I don’t recognise him though the voice sounds familiar. The shape of the words he uses is inside me somewhere. I look again. "Russell?"Yes, it is Russell, a school-friend that I have not seen for…

  • Intimations

    This morning, I had to do one of the hardest things that a priest ever has to to do – telling the congregation in Bridge of Allan that my time at St Saviour’s is drawing to a close.I’m going to be moving to the Diocese of Glasgow and Galloway to become the Provost of St…