• Jesus – the Angry Religious Man

    Here’s what I said in the pulpit yesterday for Lent 3

    Sermon preached by Kelvin Holdsworth on 8 March 2015 from St Mary's Cathedral, Glasgow on Vimeo.

    The door opened. That door at the back, with its annoying squeak. And I looked up and immediately I was afraid.

    I saw someone come in and knew that I needed to do something and do it quickly.

    I checked the clock and took off my headphones.

    Either I needed to shout at everyone to evacuate the building or I had to try to do something myself.

    I looked around and decided to walk forward and try to distract him and see what happened.

    We were about to do a Radio Broadcast. A live radio broadcast and the clock was, well, not ticking because things like that need to be silent when we are recording, but the clock was moving inexorably towards 8.10 and the moment when the red light would go on and I would say, “Good morning and welcome to St Mary’s Cathedral in the City of Glasgow, a city that is still in shock.”

    It was the day after the terrorist attack at Glasgow airport. Transport systems were in a mess. The airport was completely locked down and roads were closed all over the place. People couldn’t fly into Scotland. There was transport chaos and the police still didn’t know how many other people were at large who intended harm.

    And that door right there opened right before an advertised liver broadcast and someone unexpected came in. Someone whom I didn’t know.

    And in that instant I saw a stereotype walk into the cathedral. He was young and rather swarthy looking. I later discovered that he was indeed just back from Libya and he looked like it.

    A thin white scarf around him. Khaki camouflage clothes. And a backpack.

    It was the backpack that worried me most as I walked towards him.

    Hello I said, welcome to St Mary’s.

    These are the words that I use when I think someone is about to blow me and the cathedral up.

    Hello, welcome to St Mary’s.

    Hello, he said.

    There was a pause as I looked him up and down and he did the same to me.

    Do you mind telling me, I asked – do you mind telling me what’s in the backpack. (more…)

9 responses to “Tales of the City #6”

  1. Ritualist Robert Avatar
    Ritualist Robert

    Thank you for introducing the word “stoor” to those of us in the non-Scottish world.

  2. Hermano David | Brother Dah•veed Avatar
    Hermano David | Brother Dah•veed

    Have you been glowing again?

    Honestly, I think that it really says something great when they know, even if in a setting where they might not know!

  3. Ruth Avatar
    Ruth

    I agree! As daughter of a C of S one, I’ve spent time in the company of more than my fair share. Some have ‘the aura’ and some, most definitely do not…..

  4. PamB Avatar
    PamB

    Did we know that the Norwegian for vacuum cleaner is “stoorsooker”?

  5. Rosemary Hannah Avatar
    Rosemary Hannah

    Huge compliment.

    And any time you want to come here and be calm at workmen, feel free. Then I can be free to go somewhere quiet and just lose it, as I have been longing to do for some weeks …

  6. kelvin Avatar

    @PamB – we didn’t, but we are delighted.

    @Rosemary – thanks but no thanks. Being calm at someone else’s workmen is surely too much for anyone.

    @Ruth – the day I was ordained, the wife of a bishop told me my aura was golden. She saw them regularly.

    @Hermano David – You couldn’t see the glow for the dust.

    @Ritualist Robert – happy to be of service. It is the perfect word for what is produced when you mess with chimneys.

  7. Ritualist Robert Avatar
    Ritualist Robert

    @PamB – delighted indeed!

  8. Hermano David | Brother Dah•veed Avatar
    Hermano David | Brother Dah•veed

    You couldn’t see the glow for the dust.

    It is obvious that the VDW could. Good on yer.

  9. Rosemary Hannah Avatar
    Rosemary Hannah

    What I now need is somebody to come back and be very very UNcalm at a joiner. Very very unclam indeed – new floor ends two foot short of the wall, and yes, there WAS enough wood. And good neighbour/joiner is hors de combat following a RTA.

    Or you could try coming and being very calm at me, if your nerve is good enough.

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