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Tales of the City #6

07/09/2011 By 9 Comments

The scene is the building I live in. Utter chaos. Extensive stoor.

Very Dirty Workman: OK then, that’s us. We’ll be off then.

hesitates

Er, can I ask you something though?

Me: Yes, what is it?

VDW: Er, well, I just wondered. Are you a minister or something?

Me:  Er, well, yes, as it happens. Why?

Take a careful pantomime look at self to check whether clericals are being worn, despite knowing that they are not having just returned from clergy conference.

Yes, I’m the priest along at St Mary’s Cathedral, how did you know?

VDW: Well, it was the way you’ve been with us. You’ve been, you know, calm. And just, well, the way you are. You can tell like. I used to live next to a minister, you see.

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Tales of the City #5

30/01/2011 By 6 Comments

The scene is Pollokshaws Road. (That’s the South Side). After midnight.

Me: Oh, please no. Please don’t throw that in there.

The refuse collector throws the clerical collar into the refuse truck and turns.

Refuse Collector #1: What pal?

Me: Oh, that’s mine, it dropped out of my pocket and you picked it up with the other rubbish and threw it in.

Refuse Collector #1: What is it, anyway?

Me: Oh, its a clerical collar. Er…I’m a priest.

I do a brief but elegent mime, the better to explain what a clerical collar is.

Refuse Collector #1: Oh, don’t worry, I’ll get it. I’ll have to climb into the truck though.

An attempt is made to climb into the truck.

Refuse Collector #2: What is it, what’s he lost?

The first refuse collector mumbles something and repeats the earlier mime.

Refuse Collector #1: Here, I’ll get it with the picker-up.

He produces a device, reaches into the refuse truck, retrieves the collar and hands it back.

Refuse Collector #1: Here it is pal. Oh…..well….you could wash it, I guess.

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