What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Tales of the City #8

    The scene is Glasgow Pride. The protagonists are making their way down Argyll Street in Finnieston. I am dressed in a black suit, clerical collar and small lapel ribbon in all the colours of the rainbow. The group I am with all carry colourful posters proclaiming “The Scottish Episcopal Church Welcomes You”. Mine is mauve. 

    A young man sidles up to walk beside me.

    Young Man: Hi!

    Self: Hello! Where are you from?

    Young Man: Well, Australia, actually. 

    The Young Man pauses.

    Young Man: I just, er, I just wanted to ask you something.

    Self: Oh, OK, ask away.

    Young Man: Well, are you real?

    Self: Oh yes, I’m very real.

    The Young Man gestures with his head towards the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence who, beautifully bedecked in Catherine Laboré style wimples and rainbow habits of various styles are waving a large rainbow flag in front of us.

    Young Man: Yes, but the nuns?

    The Young Man pauses.

    Young Man: They are not real. Right?

    Self: Right.

     

    ,

5 responses to “Mr Provost’s Finest Reindeer Receipt”

  1. Bro David Avatar
    Bro David

    You know that English is not my first language, but I thought that when you buy something that the shop usually gives you a receipt and that the instructions regarding how to cook or bake something was a recipe.

    Reply
    1. kelvin Avatar
      kelvin

      You are right, Bro David in that nowadays when you buy something you get a receipt and when you cook you follow a recipe.

      However, they come from the same word and it used to be that receipt was used for a list of cooking ingredients. See for example, Ladie Elynor Fettiplace’s Receipt Books, which I think Amazon still have in stock.

      So, my use above is an archaic form of English.

      Reply
  2. Susan Sheppard Hedges Avatar
    Susan Sheppard Hedges

    Do you actually cook and eat reindeer? I would think with all the flying they do, the meat would be stringy and tough! 🙂 Seriously, though, can you buy deer at the butcher’s or do you have a friend who hunts?

    Reply
    1. kelvin Avatar
      kelvin

      Yes, reindeer steaks for Christmas meal. Very seasonal. Delicious too.

      Any hunters around here would have to go quite a long way to bag a reindeer on the hills. (Finland?)

      These came from my local supermarket, Lidl who, being a German company often have things that others couldn’t or wouldn’t sell. (Snow chains this week!)

      Reply
      1. Susan Sheppard Hedges Avatar
        Susan Sheppard Hedges

        We have reindeer in the Northern climbs of our continent, Canada and Alaska. They are mostly called Caribou here. People do hunt regular sorts of deer in the US. My mother in her later years, had a neighbor that would bring her a prepared haunch sometimes. She said it was ‘gamey, but not bad’ which one could only expect of wild animals. I love the fact that your supermarket sells snow chains. It’s always nice to have a supplier for the emergencies.

        Reply

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