What is in Kelvin's Head?

  • Tales of the City #8

    The scene is Glasgow Pride. The protagonists are making their way down Argyll Street in Finnieston. I am dressed in a black suit, clerical collar and small lapel ribbon in all the colours of the rainbow. The group I am with all carry colourful posters proclaiming “The Scottish Episcopal Church Welcomes You”. Mine is mauve. 

    A young man sidles up to walk beside me.

    Young Man: Hi!

    Self: Hello! Where are you from?

    Young Man: Well, Australia, actually. 

    The Young Man pauses.

    Young Man: I just, er, I just wanted to ask you something.

    Self: Oh, OK, ask away.

    Young Man: Well, are you real?

    Self: Oh yes, I’m very real.

    The Young Man gestures with his head towards the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence who, beautifully bedecked in Catherine Laboré style wimples and rainbow habits of various styles are waving a large rainbow flag in front of us.

    Young Man: Yes, but the nuns?

    The Young Man pauses.

    Young Man: They are not real. Right?

    Self: Right.

     

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8 responses to “How to Cook Moose”

  1. Jaye Richards-Hill Avatar
    Jaye Richards-Hill

    And this is all in Maryhill? There will be great wailing and gnashing of teeth in Newton Mearns and Giffnock when the news gets out..

    Reply
  2. Zebadee Avatar
    Zebadee

    At our local Lidl we also have quail as well as the other items you mention

    Reply
    1. kelvin Avatar
      kelvin

      Quail here too. Quail eggs from Waitrose though, not yet Lidl.

      Reply
  3. Kimberly Avatar
    Kimberly

    West Enders eat moose. South Siders eat Wholefoods. I know where I’d rather be.

    Reply
    1. kelvin Avatar
      kelvin

      I’m not at all sure that any shop selling a few nuts and bits and bobs of fresh veg on either side of the river can be as impressive as Moose in Maryhill.

      Reply
  4. Zebadee Avatar
    Zebadee

    Does the Maryhill Lidl also offer Canadian Lobster? Not that I am bragging but the needy of the Rubarb Triangle need some joy in their lives and our Lidl is meeting this need

    Reply
  5. Kelvin Avatar
    Kelvin

    Yes, lobster is on offer in Maryhill.

    I choose not to crow about lobster for it comes from the sea and consequently should not be eaten.

    Reply
    1. Margaret of the Sea of Galilee Avatar
      Margaret of the Sea of Galilee

      The kashrut/OT problem is the lack of fins and scales, not the sea per se.

      Reply

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